I'm Leaving, Kate
by TonyCastle78
Summary: So I updated this story. I was surprised at the response to it. Please review it and tell me what you think. Its my first fanfic. Be gentle. Oh and I don't own any of the character, the brilliant A.M. does.


I'm Leaving, Kate

Chapter 1 

Beckett sat rooted to the spot. Had she heard him correctly?

"Castle, what did you just—"

Blowing right past her, Castle entered her apartment. She had never seen him so agitated.

"This couldn't wait until morning?" she asked, trying to hide the worry in her voice.

"No Kate, this couldn't wait. We've been putting this off for far too long. Come here," he said, as he took a seat on her couch.

Beckett sat on her couch next to her partner, refusing to look at him. She couldn't stand to see the hurt and anger in his eyes, knowing that she was the one responsible for it. She rubbed her eyes, trying to fully wake up…but really to buy some time. Castle did what he was so adept at doing to her: he got past her defenses. Her phone rang at two in the morning. It was Castle telling her to wake up; he was going to be there in ten minutes. Ten minutes later, there was a pounding on her front door and he entered her apartment.

Castle's eyes were glistening from unshed tears. He didn't know if they were from sadness or frustration and he didn't care. Before she could say a word, Castle spoke the three words that shook her.

"I'm leaving, Kate."

Chapter 2

"What?" she asked, her voice stuttering a bit.

"You heard me. I'm leaving."

"That makes no sense, Castle. Why?"

"I'm sick of this, Kate. I'm sick of this uncertainty. I'm sick and tired of walking on eggshells, afraid that I'm going to say or do something that's going to drive you away. And now, I find out that you've been lying to me? For a year? You've known this whole time how I feel about you and pretended that I never said it? How could you treat me this way? After everything we've been through, how could you doubt me? How could you doubt how much I love you?"

Kate stared at him in shock, finally realizing what she'd done. Dashing, devil-may-care crime novelist Richard Castle was broken. She had taken this strong, supportive man and father and broken him. All because she was so damaged that she couldn't see past her own needs to recognize that he was hopelessly in love with her.

She had built up such a wall to protect her heart that even she couldn't escape it. She had been so shattered after her mother's murder that she had had to do it, not just to protect her heart but her sanity as well. It had gotten so strong that it protected her from everyone…even those who truly cared for her.

"I can't do this anymore, Kate. I can't watch you sacrifice your life to find your mother's killer. I'm going to the precinct tomorrow and telling Captain Gates that I'm done."

Panic began constricting Kate's heart.

"You can't leave," she cried, reaching out and grabbing his arm. "You're my partner! You're my best friend! Who else is going to watch my back out there? What happened to "always"? Remember that?"

Castle stared at her. Tears began pooling in Beckett's eyes as she contemplated a life without him.

"I was determined to wait for you as long as I had to. You're extraordinary, strong-willed, intelligent and sexy. You're more than I ever thought I deserved. But your walls are so strong that even I can't get in. I thought someday you would let me in. Then I find out that my feelings are just a joke for you. I just…I can't be around you anymore Kate.

It's just too painful."

Castle shook his arm free from Beckett's grasp and stood up. Kate sat on her couch, in shell-shock at Castle's declaration.

"I promise, there won't be a scene at the station. I'll just say that I really need to start working on my new novel and I can't spare the time anymore. I won't embarrass you. I'll just do what you've always wanted me to do and leave you alone. Goodbye, Kate."

He opened the door and let himself out. Kate sat there, staring at the door, stunned by Castle's exit. Her mind began working again and she sprang to her feet, determined to catch up to him.

Chapter 3

Castle jabbed at the button, calling for the elevator. He had to get home. His oldest and closest friends Jim, Jack and Johnnie were waiting to comfort him. He wanted to forget her beauty, her smile that lit up his heart, her laugh that touched the core of his soul. He needed to forget her wit, her intelligence and her aching vulnerability. If he was ever going to regain even a shred of inner peace, he had to forget Kate Beckett. To forget her, he needed alcohol.

Castle wiped a tear that managed to trickle down his cheek. No, he was NOT going to break down in Beckett's building. He needed to be stronger than that. Alexis was right. For someone so young, she had called it. Kate Beckett was his kryptonite. He simply couldn't think straight around her and the toll it was taking on him…the price was too high. Tonight, he was going to kill as many brain cells as possible to forget her and deal with Gates in the morning. He knew she'd be thrilled that she'd finally be getting rid of him.

The elevator opened with a ding. Entering the elevator, he pushed the button for the lobby, leaned against the back wall of the elevator and shut his eyes. The press would have a field day if they caught him like this: the legendary Richard Castle, destroyed by a woman. Kate Beckett wasn't just a woman; she was _the_ woman, a woman that could inspire writers to create great works of literature. He should know, he'd _written_ great works of literature about her. He honestly believed that she was the one. He was wrong. After four years together, he had to face the facts: he was wrong.

Just as the elevator doors were closing shut, an arm snaked through and pried them open again. Castle's eyes opened to see Kate Beckett standing there. Her cheeks stained by tears. She threw herself into his arms and kissed him with a passion that he knew would remain burned in his memory for the rest of his life.

Chapter 4 

After what felt like hours, she finally let him come up for air. Snuggling up against his chest, she whispered the most dangerous and trusting words anyone can say.

"I love you."

Castle stood there his mind still not functioning from her kiss. This woman was infuriating. He opened his mouth and her hand flew up to cover it.

"I need to say this, Rick and if you interrupt me, I'll never be able to get it all out," she said, her hand still covering his mouth. She had come a long way since beginning therapy sessions with Dr. Burke and now she had to be honest. She had broken him. She had to do whatever it took to put him back together again. She had to put his needs first. It's what you do for who you love.

"I love you. I love you so much that it scares me. Believe me, I know that I'm broken. I spent so many years hiding inside my mother's murder that I never really found a way out. Even while working other cases, I always made time to review her case or follow any new leads but nothing ever popped. I entered relationships but deep down, I knew they'd never last. On some level, I made peace with the fact that I would be alone forever, chasing killers and running from my demons.

"Then you entered my life and turned it upside down. You brought a level of fun and laughter into my life that I had forgotten even existed. You and your crazy theories, buying The Old Haunt, writing books about me…about us. You said before that my walls kept even you from getting in but Rick…you got in. You worked your way into my heart, my very spirit. Even after your trip to the Hamptons, when I was so angry at you…even though I really had no right to be, you still managed to work your way back in.

"I tried everything I could to hate you but I just couldn't. Despite myself, you wore me down. I know that I'm still damaged. I always will be. But you make it easier for me to carry the weight of my mom's death. I finally feel alive again, which I never thought I would be. I finally feel like as if I'm part of a family again. Alexis and I have had our moments but there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. And Martha has always been so sweet to me, so kind-hearted and warm."

Holding him tightly, Kate removed her hand from his mouth and wrapped her arms around his middle.

"I can't survive without you, Rick. You make my job and my life so much better that I can never go back to what it was before. You ruined me for any other man. I just want you. I need you. I love you."


End file.
